Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Yes, I am living with my boyfriend's parents


...And I get free food. And it is really, really good.


I'm starting to appreciate the full range of benefits of co-habitating with Brad's family, also known as "mooching." Admittedly, I originally was eager to partake in the no-rent, frequent-free-meals, high-quality-shower type of benefits. This is what allowed me to quit my job and take a resort-style break. (Thank you God.) (And King family.)


These selfish reasons are certainly the temptation of every low-life mooch. I felt less guilty, however, after I read Little House on a Small Planet.


A central theme of the book is that more house means more waste. It’s wasted energy to heat and cool, wasted land a.k.a. destruction of other species’ homes, wasted time because it takes more work to afford it and more housework to maintain it—you know, a giant waste of your life and Planet Earth.


A year ago, Brad and I were heating our cabin in Washington, Brad’s brother was heating his downtown Austin apartment, and Brad’s parents were heating this whole house. Brad’s brother moved into the house (for unrelated reasons) and then we moved back. The house that was supporting two now supports five (and three dogs). By sharing a single house, the King family and I are using a more responsible share of the world's resources.


In the States, the norm is for a child to grow up, leave a bedroom empty in his/her parents' house, and create a new household with a mate. Often, this new household actually means new construction, tearing up land that has never been built on, creating new roads, mining, smelting, shipping materials of various toxicities, and so forth (perhaps “construction” is a misnomer). Meanwhile, that empty bedroom is still being heated and cooled, as a "guest room" or maybe a "sewing room." Bummer for Earth.


In anthro class, I learned that our tendency to create our own lovenests makes us a "neolocal" society. In other cultures (and back in the day), it is/was perfectly normal to move in with the folks. If the dude moves in with his lady's family, it's matrilocal, and if girliepants moves in with her guy's family, it's patrilocal. These kinds of families can share labor, expenses, and childcare. With so many of us struggling economically--and emotionally--maybe it's time to think about what we lose when we trade the clan for a nuclear family.


Having a neolocal society means that we also lose out on some benefits of community. New construction leads to sprawl, and sprawl often leads to de-centralization of community. Isolated and fearful, some families try to install community through structured programs or youth groups. Kids are shuttled from door to door by way of car door. I’ve heard more than one older person say how things have changed—apparently, it used to be cool to leave your doors unlocked and let 9-year-olds run around the neighborhood(/woods/fields) unsupervised. I have not investigated this incredible claim, so don’t take my word for it. Would any parents or grandparents like to comment?


Of course, all this is not to say I will live here forever. First of all, these are my opinions, not necessarily the Kings’, and it is their house, not mine. To be living my ideals and not mooching, it behooves me to create my own home/community and share it with others. That is what we are here to learn about and brainstorm. Until we find our own place, I will continue to HIGHLY appreciate the eco-friendly hand-out. (Thank you, again, Kings!)


If you are interested in downsizing your impact and creating community without being “that guy who still lives with his parents,” check out Little House on a Small Planet. I am amazed at the diversity of people's responses to these issues. Some people build tiny houses while others get creative with community living and roommate situations. For example, CoAbode matches single moms with other single moms for all the benefits of a two-parent household without having to wait for Mr. Right!


More perks to Drippin’ livin’:


*I expected that not paying rent would free up time (I only work about 16 hours/week). What I didn’t know is that I would find a local job and feel the blessings of a downsized commute. I traded an 18-minute drive, 45-minute bus ride, and 10-minute walk for a simple 13-minute-drive. Hurray for more free time, less money spent on gas, and less carbon emissions!

*By having two other dogs, three other humans, and a big fenced yard in his life, Oser is getting much better socialized! I bet there's a correlation to children.

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